Call of duty: Deleted scenes and bloopers
by thatguythere
Summary: These are not real deleted scenes and bloopers of "Call of duty".
1. Sergei!

Author's note: The following fanfic is not really deleted scenes and bloopers of "call of duty" and is purely made for humour.

The following may also contain spoilers for the game.

Don't like the sound of it? Then don't read it.

Also it is my first fanfic and I am in need of criticism.

Disclaimer: I do not own call of duty. If I do, the game would be uninteresting.

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><p>Black ops: Vorkuta<p>

"Open the door"

Starring Reznov and Sergei

"Sergei, open the door!" Reznov yelled.

RAM! CRASH! BOOM!

*Door opens*

"Huh, the bathroom?" Sergei wondered.

"Thanks, Sergei!" Reznov said going in the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

* * *

><p>"Sergei, open the door!" Reznov yelled.<p>

RAM! CRASH! BOOM!

Suddenly, the door opens and a prisoner came out.

"I'm free-!"

RAM!

* * *

><p>"Sergei, open the door!" Reznov yelled.<p>

RAM! CRASH! BOOM!

"Wait, Sergei!" Reznov said stopping him.

Reznov turned the knob and the door opened. Sergei stared, dumbfounded.

"….I could have thought of that!"

* * *

><p>Black ops: Vorkuta<p>

"Meeting Sergei"

"Allow me to introduce, Sergei Kozin, the Monster of Magadan." Reznov proudly said.

"Hello _Sir Gay_! Hahahaha!" Mason teased.

"…"

The following reaction may be too violent for some viewers; you can have the option of skipping this scene. This will not affect any gaming progress.

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><p>Author's note: Yeah that's it. I'm going to make more chapters of these things in some other call of duty games.<p>

Need help with this, I'm new to writing.


	2. No Russian

Author's notes: Thank you very much to all who read and loved this. Also thank you for the review Stoneface, I'm glad you liked it.

Again, this fanfic may have spoilers for anyone who didn't finish the game. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I do not own call of duty. Why would I write fanfiction if I own call of duty?

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><p>Modern Warfare 2: No Russian<p>

"No Russian"

Starring Makarov and his Russian bunch with one American

"I'm sorry sir but you can't bring weapons in the airpo-"The poor little guard said before getting shot in the head.

"Lets get in the elevator, that way we won't be having any problems at getting in." Viktor suggested. Following Viktor's plan, the group got into the elevator where elevator music starts playing.

"I hate elevator music…" 'Alexei Borodin' said.

"In Soviet Russia, music plays you." Makarov said causing the group to laugh.

"Oh, I remember that joke back in America!" 'Alexei' said causing the group to go silent.

"…What?"

"Nothing!"

* * *

><p>"Remember, no Russian." Makarov reminded then began walking towards the crowd and prepared their machine guns.<p>

Then the crowd got their own machine guns (Including the baby) and pointed them at Makarov's group.

"….Uh…. Get back to the elevator, get back to the elevator!"

* * *

><p>"Remember, no Russian." Makarov warned. Suddenly 'Alexei' shot one of the men in the group.<p>

"What did you just do?" Makarov yelled.

"You said no Russian and he's a Russian!" 'Alexei' answered.

"No! I meant not to speak in Russian, **_глупый_**!" Makarov yelled. Now everyone pointed their guns at him. "No, no, no wait!"

**RA-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!**

* * *

><p>"Remember, No Russian." Makarov warned. The group then began walking toward the crowd of civilians. They readied their machine guns and shot them all.<p>

"Ow! Hey watch it!" A civilian shouted while all the others were unhurt.

"Huh?" Makarov wondered.

"We mixed up our real guns with air soft guns didn't we?" Viktor asked.

"Dammit, get back in the van."

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 2: No Russian<p>

"That was no message"

Starring Makarov and his group of silly Russian (and one American) terrorists.

"You sent strong message to this attack." The Russian helping them in the van said.

"That was no message." Makarov said. "Did you kidnap the news reporter?"

"Da, he's here." The Russian said bringing a scared reporter with a camera.

"W-What do you want from me?"

"I want to send my message, ready your camera." Makarov ordered. "Now as I was saying. That was no message, _this is a message_!" Makarov said giving the camera the middle finger.

* * *

><p>"That was no message, <em>this is a message<em>!" Makarov said showing a piece of paper to the camera man.

"Milk, eggs, brea-"

"_No wait, that's my grocery list_!"

* * *

><p>"That was no message, <em>this is a message<em>!" Makarov said showing a piece of paper to the camera man.

"I love you Vikto-"

"_No wait, that's mine_!"

* * *

><p>"That was no message, <em>this is a message<em>!" Makarov said showing a magazine to the camera man.

"A Playboy magazine?"

"_No wait, that's mine_!"

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><p>Author's note: That's it for the "No Russian" mission. I hope you guys found it humorous; the next one will be a "Commercial".<p>

Also, I just used an "English to Russian" thing I found on the internet to make this: **_глупый _****which I think it means "Fool" or "Stupid".**


	3. Soap's soap

Author's note: Hey guys, I was thinking of making this chapter two days ago but the internet wouldn't work for a day and a half because of some problem with the main line so the entire neighbourhood didn't have internet OR phone use. Anyway, this is a "Commercial" joke that me and my friends make and I'm testing to see if this should just stay as an inside joke for only me and my friends or if it could be a joke for everyone. Since this may be a failure, I will add a little talk with the two former captains.

Thanks to all reviewers: xOn3Xeyedxninja, Stoneface and Laengruk213100. I wasn't expecting this to even get a little bit popular.

The following may contain spoilers for those who have not finished the game.

Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty and this commercial is not even real, if you think Call of Duty is mine or if you think this is a real commercial; then what are you smoking?

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><p>Modern Warfare 2: Soap's soap<p>

Starring Soap and Price

"Soap, get in the boat!" Price ordered.

"I won't get in the water, Price." Soap replied solemnly.

"Why? _Why?_" Price demanded.

"Because… I don't have... _This!_ Soap's soap!" Soap announced showing a bar of soap with the writing on it saying 'Soap's soap' to the screen.

"The soap that we Taskforce 141 use!" Price said going along with the advertisement.

"A soap that only _real _men use!" Soap continued. "This soap is capable of removing **100%** of germs! Not that bloody 99% crap you hear about! The soap is also capable of cleaning and the increased healing of gunshot wounds! See, I'll show you, I'll apply the soap on a wound I have now!"

-Black screen-

AAAARRRGGGGHHHH! OH IT HURTS SO BLOODY MUCH!

-Back to normal-

"See? It's healing now!"

"_Soap!_" Price called.

"What?" Soap replied

"You forgot something…"

"And what's that?

"The _price_…" Price added. "And it is only $2.00! Or £1.22!"

"Buy now!" The two former captains said at the same time before getting on the boat.

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><p>Modern Warfare 2: A future recruit<p>

"Hey, Price?" Soap called.

"Yeah, Soap?" Price answered.

"My kid wants to join the Taskforce when he turns 21."

"Heh, he better be man enough to be in the task force."

"Yeah, about that… He's a girl…"

"_What the bloody f-?_!"

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><p>Modern Warfare 2: A future recruit, boy version<p>

"Hey, Price?" Soap called.

"Yeah, Soap?" Price answered.

"My kid wants to join the Taskforce when he turns 21."

"Heh, he better be man enough to be in the task force."

"When he does, I want him to be named 'Shampoo'." Soap joked which made the two laugh.

"I see what you did there!" Price said while giving Soap a high-five. "If my kid gets to be in the Taskforce, I want him to be called 'Tag'."

"Why's that?" Soap asked.

"Combine our names." Price answered. After a moment of thinking Soap laughed making Price join him.

"Oh! I get it, high-five!" Soap said giving Price a high-five.

"Ah… By the way, my kid is actually a girl."

"_What the bloody f-?_!"

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><p>Author's notes: Now I will sit back and see how my test works, hope you guys like it.<p> 


	4. Mason's messed up head

Author's notes: Well, I really wasn't expecting the fic to be any good to anyone except my friends but the reviewers and the guys favoriting and putting this on their story alert says otherwise. Thanks to all who liked this.

This one is going to be about how the numbers messed with Mason's mind. How Mason got messed up in the head and think weird things.

Again, warning, the fanfic may contain spoilers for those who have not finished playing the game.

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><p>Disclaimer: I do not own call of duty yada yada yada…<p>

Call of Duty: Black ops; Mason's messed up mind, The Pentagon

Mason sat in front of the president, John Kennedy, discussing about getting rid of Dragovich.

"So you see Mason I-"The president explained but stopped when Mason started shouting.

"MUAHAHAHAHA! Die! Scream!" Mason shouted while seemingly pointing an imaginary pistol at the president.

"Mason!"

"Huh?"

"Are you imagining about killing me?"

"No…Uh… I was imagining on killing… Johnovich- I mean Dragokennedy- _I mean dragovich!_"

"Uh… Right… So anyway…"

* * *

><p>The Pentagon worker was flirting with Mason and made a hand gesture to come near her.<p>

"Oh yeah, come to papa." Mason said. Suddenly, in Mason's eyes, the employee tore off her mask, showing Mason that it was Reznov under the mask.

"Mason, I'm glad you're here-" Reznov called.

"Reznov, what the hell?" Mason yelled making the entire office look over to him with strange looks on their faces.

"Dude, you alright?" Said the female office employee.

"Of course not! First you turn me on, and then you tore off your mask Reznov! I mean what the hell?" Answered Mason.

"There is something wrong with this guy." Whispered another office worker.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Black ops; Mason's messed up mind, Christmas.<p>

"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas Mason!" Yelled the bearded man that went up to Mason.

"It's Dumbledore!" Mason yelled.

"Uh… No, I'm not Dumbledore."

"Oh, then hi, Gandalf!"

"I'm not Gandalf!"

"Some kind of… Rabbi?"

"No!"

"Gordon Freeman?"

"No!"

"A hobo?"

"No!"

"…Uncle Bobby?"

"Damn it, Mason! I'm not your uncle Bobby!"

(An hour later)

"…Are you uncle Bobby?"

"For the 4th time! I am not your uncle Bobby!"

"Oh! I know who you are!"

"Finally…"

"Reznov!"

"_Motherfu_-!"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Black ops; Mason's messed up mind, secret identity.<p>

"Hey, Woods?" Mason called.

"Yeah, Mason?" Woods replied.

"Can you give me your ID? I wanna know what your first name is."

"Sure…" Woods said, looking for his wallet. "Here…"

"Lets see… Tiger… Wait… Woods? Tiger? Woods? Tiger Woods?" Then Woods seemed tear off his face revealing Tiger Woods.

"Yes I am!"

"Oh my goodness! What about Bowman?" Then Bowman tore off his face revealing…

"Robin Hood? What about Roach?" Mason asked, turning to Roach who came out of nowhere.

"I can outlive you in a nuclear blast… Nuff said…" Roach answered.

"What about Soap?" Mason asked, turning to Soap in which he started doing the 'Soap's soap' commercial with Price again.

"So what about Hudson?"

"…"

"Come on, whats behind your mask?" Mason said going up to Hudson and tearing off his face.

"Oh sh-!"

"Who the fuck is Mason talking to? Why did he call me Tiger Woods?" Woods asked Bowman.

"I'm more worried about him calling me Robin Hood and how he scratched that poor recruit's face..." Bowman answered.

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><p>Author's notes: Well, I admit, this one isn't my best…<p> 


	5. Distractions

Author's notes: I am making another one… Yeah, besides saying that I'm glad that my jokes aren't getting old…Yet… then I don't have much to say.

Thanks to reviewers and the other people who liked this. This one will be about the "Distractions" in the battlefield.

Warning… The following may have spoilers for those who haven't finished playing Call of Duty… But you should know by now…

Disclaimer: I do not own Black ops… By now you should have known that…

Call of duty: Distractions

Black ops: Executive Order

"Come on, Mason, let's get these bodies out of sight…" Woods advised bringing the dead Russian behind something with Mason following behind him.

"Let's get their uniforms so we won't get caught." Instructed Woods as he began to take the Russian's clothes off with Mason following.

After a few seconds…

"Wow, this guy has one small d-"Mason said before getting interrupted.

"_Focus, Mason!_" Yelled Woods.

"Sorry…"

* * *

><p>"Come on, Mason, let's get these bodies out of sight…" Woods advised bringing the dead Russian behind something with Mason following behind him.<p>

"Let's get their uniforms so we won't get caught." Instructed Woods as he began to take the Russian's clothes off with Mason following.

After a few seconds…

"Mason, why are you wearing that bastard's underwear too?" Asked Woods.

"Because I wanna!"

* * *

><p>Call of duty: Distractions<p>

World at War: Sniping

"My shooting hand is wounded. You will have to snipe them, Dimitri." Reznov said to Dimitri.

"Yes sir…" Dimitri said as he took the sniper rifle from Reznov and took aim.

"I am a stone…" Dimitri began.

"Dimirti?"

"I do not tremble…"

"…Uh… Dimitri? I don't think doing this at a place like this is a good idea…"

"Slowly, I put snow in my mouth…"

"Dimitri, I don't think putting snow in your mouth is a good idea since it's probably covered in ash and blood."

"So that they cannot see my-…Uh…"

"Oh…No…"

"Brain _Freeeeeeezzzzeeeee!_"

"What was that?" Yelled a German soldier.

"Hans, work on your German. It's you native language for crying out loud." Yelled another German soldier. "Wait, your right, lets check it out…"

"Dammit, Dimitri! They can see us!"

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><p>Call of duty: Distractions<p>

Modern Warfare 2: Gattling guns

"Hey sergeant Foley?" Asked Ramirez mounted on a gattling turrent.

"Yeah private?"

"How much ammo does this thing have? I've been shooting this thing at Russians for hours but it never runs out of ammo…"

"What are you gonna do?" Said Foley giving him a suspicious look.

"I'm gonna keep shooting this and see if it runs out of ammo."

"Well of course it has an ammo capacity, you just don't see it. Don't shoot that thing, it cost us $ 400,000 to fire that weapon."

"Well, that's not too bad compared to-"

"For 12 seconds…"

"…Oh… Damn, where did you get this?"

"We stole it from a Russian armory."

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><p>Call of duty: Distractions<p>

Black ops: The Death Machine

"Hey, Reznov?" Mason asked.

"Yes, Mason?" Reznov answered.

"Where did they get the death machine from?"

"Oh, from a guy, he called it Sasha actually."

"You think he might be mad about stealing it?"

"Nah, you know who would be mad about the gun? Sergei, when he saw you using it from the afterlife. He must be thinking how badass he would look using that instead of you…"

-Meanwhile-

"Damn strait I would!"

-Meanwhile-

"Yeah, guess your right… Wait, aren't we supposed to do step 8?"

"…Oh yeah…"

* * *

><p>Author's notes: Here's to hoping that I'm not getting old yet.<p> 


	6. Fear

Author's note: School's come in again because in the Philippines summer is March-June. Fortunately, my buddy that I make these jokes with is in talking distance now so we might make some new ideas.

Also, I forgot to add Soap's version of distractions so I'll put it in here.

Thanks to reviewers and anyone who likes this.

This one is about the fears of some characters.

The following may contain spoilers, nuff said.

Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty, yeah, big surprise.

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><p>Call of Duty: Distractions<p>

Modern Warfare 2: Dogs, I hate dogs…

"Patrol ahead…" Price said to Roach spotting a patrol. "3 men, 1 German Shepard."

"Dogs, I hate dogs…" Soap's voice said appearing in the communicators. "Now cats, I like cats. Those cute fluffy-"

"Soap…"

"Little balls of fur-"

"Soap!"

"I would love to have some of that pu-"

"_Soap!_"

"Sorry…"

Call of Duty: Fears or distractions, whichever you think of it…

Modern Warfare 2: Ghost

With Ghost, Roach, Soap and some other generic squad members that no one cares about turned off the power to a house and began to quietly came inside.

Suddenly, Roach started to hum the "Pink Panther theme".

"_Roach!_" Ghost yelled through the communicator

"What?" Roach answered.

"Don't sing that tune!" Ghost yelled.

"Our voices go in the communicators, Ghost, relax; their not gonna hear us." Soap said.

"It's not that! I just have a bad experience with that pink thing when I was a kid." Ghost admitted which surprised the squad.

"Wow… I never knew you had a phobia of the pink panther." Roach said.

"Just… Just don't do it again, okay?" Ghost quietly said.

"O-Okay then…" Roach said.

"What the bloody hell just happened?" Lamb said.

"They better not turn gay for each other." Termite mentioned.

"Your communicators aren't in private you two." Roach and Ghost said at the same time.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Fears (Not really)<p>

Black ops: Mason

"Someday Mason, all this shall be yours." Reznov said showing Mason a wide plain. "Whatever the sunlight touches, Mason."

"Uh, Reznov? It's night time, there is no sunlight." Mason questioned.

"Exactly…" Reznov said in a humorous voice. "Now, let's get out of here…"

"Mason, break time's over, stop talking to your imaginary friend and start movin'." Woods announced.

"Got it, Reznov."

"I'll never understand the fuckin' weirdo."

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><p>Call of duty: Fears<p>

Modern Warfare 2: Ramirez

"Ramirez, destroy that helicopter with a rock!"

"Ramirez, trim my lawn with chopsticks while balancing 5 active grenades and shooting at the Russians!"

"Ramirez, brush your teeth and get to bed!"

"_Gah!_" Ramirez shouted waking up. "Oh, just a nightmare…"

"Or is it?"

"_What the fu-?_"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Fears<p>

Modern Warfare 2: Shepard

"Everyone, this is Colonel Shepard, get away from the place; the nuke might blow!" The once Colonel Shepard warned but it was too late.**(1)** The nuke blew up and killed 30,000 men in a blink of an eye.

"_Gah!_" Shepard screamed waking up. "Oh, just a nightmare…"

"Or is it?"

"_Private Foley, what the fu-?_"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Fears<p>

Black ops: Reznov

"This is step one!" Reznov yelled.

"Secure the keys!" The prisoners shouted.

"Step two!" Reznov yelled only to get murmuring from the prisoners.

"Hey, does anyone know what step two is?" Murmured a prisnoner.

"You don't know step two? _Nooooooo!_"

"_Gah!_" Reznov yelled waking up. "Oh, just a nightmare…"

Silence

"Oh yeah, he wasn't born yet at this time…"

* * *

><p>Author's note: I wanted to make one for Miller but I can't figure anything out for him.<p>

(1) Let's imagine that Shepard was still a colonel at that time and Foley was a private.


	7. Mason's messed up head: Part 2

Author's notes: Been awhile since I updated… Information for you guys, I don't have access on Nazi zombies because all I have is MW2 while I have to go to internet cafes to even play the campaigns. So the only Nazi zombie parody I can make is the John Kennedy one.

Thanks to people who like and reviewed… I got some more ideas for Fear but I'll keep it on hold for now.

This one is Mason's messed up mind part 2. Me and my friends got more ideas…

Warning… You know the rest…

Disclaimer: I do not own call of duty… You know…

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><p>Call of duty: Black ops<p>

Mason's messed up mind: Part 2

The train in Vorkuta

"Jump, Mason, jump!" Reznov yelled making Mason jump and hang on to the train.

"Your turn Reznov, step 8, freedom!" Mason called.

"For you my friend but not for me…" Reznov replied.

"What? Wait… What train is this?" Mason said to himself looking at the front of the train.

"Thomas the tank engine?" Mason exclaimed seeing the face of a blue train.

-Back to the present-

"So that's how you got out of Vorkuta? No wonder why you were in the newest episode of Thomas the tank engine…" The interrogator said turning the television to an episode of Thomas the tank engine showing the opening sequence with Mason clinging onto Thomas while waving at the camera.

"Mason? _Mason!_ Damn it, were losing him again! What the hell is he talking about, some kind of train?" The interrogator yelled.

* * *

><p>Call of duty: Black ops<p>

Mason's messed up mind: Part 2

Santa Claus

"So are you Olaf from 'Advance wars'?"

"For crying out loud Mason!"

"Sandy Claus?"

"Your almost there Mason!"

"...Uncle Bobby?"

"_Screw this shit!_"

* * *

><p>Call of duty: Black ops<p>

Mason's messed up mind: Part 2

The Beginning

"Ah…Crap…"Mason muttered waking up. "I feel like a steamroller ran over my face…"

Suddenly the television turned on, revealing…

"_Jigsaw!_" Mason yelled.

"Hello, Mason, I want to play a game with you." Jigsaw said.

"What is it?" Mason bravely yelled.

"It's called 'Call of duty: Black ops'!" Jigsaw announced.

"Call of what?'

"Our new game." Jigsaw said showing that he was wearing a suit that says 'Treyarch manager'. "Now play…"

"Is it like Pong?"

"No! It's nothing like Pong!"

"Mason… _Mason!_ Son of a-" The interrogator yelled trying to talk to Mason.

"What's going on?" A man said to the interrogator.

"Mason is in _fucking la-la land!_"

* * *

><p>Call of duty: Black ops<p>

Mason's messed up mind: Part 2

The chicken

After sinking the ship of Dragovich, Mason came into the mess hall of one of the ships. He ordered a roasted chicken and sat on one of the tables.

Suddenly…

"Mason! There you are!" Came Reznov's voice.

"What? Reznov? Where are you?" Mason yelled making some people stop to look at him.

"I'm right here Mason!" Mason looked down to see Reznov's head replacing the chicken head.

"Oh hell no, what did they do to you?"

"It was horrible, Mason, first they took off my feathers. Then they took off my guts. Then they threw me into a fire!" The 'Reznov chicken' said.

"_What is the meaning of this?_" Mason yelled showing the chicken to the mess hall cook.

"Uh… A chicken?"

"You cooked my friend!"

"You have a pet chicken?"

"I will have my revenge on you!"

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><p>Author's notes: Yeah, the last one was a proud creation of my friend with a little tweaking in it. Hope you enjoyed it…<p> 


	8. Going Wrong

Author's notes: And here I thought that school might make me update faster. Well, I got new ideas at least. Now I know how other writers feel like.

This one is about the things that go wrong with some characters. Also, the fear that I thought up for Miller is in the bottom.

Warning, story could show spoilers yadda yadda yadda…

Disclaimer: Oh screw this, I do not own call of duty, nuff said.

* * *

><p>"Going Wrong"<p>

Black ops: Steiner

"Mason, Steiner was once a nazi spy during the war and once was given a mission to assassinate on the president of the United States." Reznov told to Mason.

* * *

><p>"The president is here!" The president's bodyguard announced as the president came. The guards got in a line a saluted him as he went through each one.<p>

"Mr. President!"

"Good morning Mr. President!"

"Hello Mr. President!" Each of the guard's said, now its Steiner's or 'Bob Smith's' turn.

"Hei~" He said holding his word when he realized his mistake with a nazi salute half done then did the correct salute. "I mean, hi… Mr. President!"

"….Okay then… Carry on…" The president said and went away.

"_Ich werde euch töten, hund!_" 'Bob' muttered under his breath then saw the guards staring at him with shocked expressions.

"Uh… I mean, I will kill you, dog!" 'Bob' said.

"Oh…" The guards said at the same time. "…Hey wait a minute!"

* * *

><p>"Unfortunately for him… He failed…" Reznov finished.<p>

"You did a lot of research about your enemies you know that?" Mason pointed out.

"_I don't watch them sleep!_"

* * *

><p>"Going wrong"<p>

Modern Warfare 2: Betrayal

"Do you have the package?" General Shepard asked standing in front of the helicopter while Ghost was carrying Roach being attacked by Makarov's men.

"Yes sir!" Ghost said giving him the package.

"Good…" Shepard said grabbing his revolver from its hoister and shot Roach.

"Hey! What the-?" Ghost said before Shepard pointed the revolver at him.

**Click!**

"Oops, out of ammo." Shepard mentioned causing groans of annoyance from Ghost, Roach who was getting up and Makarov's men.

"Damn it, Shepard, I told you ten times to load it before we do this! What a load of bullocks!" Roach shouted at Shepard.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry already!" Shepard said as Makarov's men started hurling insults at him.

"Don't trust Shepard!" Soap yelled through the communicator.

"Shepard fucked up!" Ghost yelled back.

"_Oh what the bloody fu-?_"

* * *

><p>"Going wrong"<p>

Black ops: Bullet proof glass

"My name is Viktor Reznov and I will have…My….Revenge!" Mason shouted at Steiner.

"Mason, no!" Hudson shouted as his partner tried shooting at the glass… And the bullets hit Mason causing many people to start shouting and screaming.

"Shit, we forgot to change the glass to bullet proof!" Hudson shouted as many people began calling for a medic.

* * *

><p>"Going wrong"<br>World at War: Dimitri and Reznov

Dimitri started crawling through the fountain filled with blood and dead bodies giving memories of screams and gore. Dimitri then headed towards a man trying to look dead. Dimitri kept moving closer to him waiting for him to say his lines until he was right in front of him.

"Reznov, your lines!" Dimitri whispered to Reznov. "Reznov!"

"Zzzzzzz"

"_Son of a bi-!_"

"Going wrong"

* * *

><p>World at War: Miller<p>

Sullivan was discussing what they will do soon until he heard a shout outside so he opened the door to find a banzai charger on the other side that stabbed him.

"Ow… Why are you carrying an umbrella?" Sullivan said to the banzi charger.

"…Well… I can't find my rifle so I thought that we can edit this umbrella to make it look like a rifle…"

"-Sigh- Cut!"

* * *

><p>"Fear"<p>

World at War: Miller

A squad of infantry went up to a downed plane.

"I think there's something stuck on his- _shit grenade!_" The marine shouted before the grenades exploded killing off half of them before an ambush came out.

"_Gah!_ Oh… Just a nightmare."

"Or is it?"

"_Who the hell are you?_"

"I… Am your future grandson!"

"_What the fu-?_"

* * *

><p>Author's notes: And we are done… Hopefully it's good. Thanks to people who likes it.<p> 


	9. Mistakes, on purpose or not

Been a looooooooong time guys. Well, this is gonna be the last chapter… For now. I'm thinking of making something else so for now, this is the last chapter until further notice. Its gonna be about the mistakes that are both on purpose and not during the filming of Call of duty: Black ops and others but mostly Black ops, because it's surprisingly easy to make it funny for a game that's really serious.

Oh my goodness, I even nearly forgot how to post this...

Thank you all reviewers and lovers of this fanfic.

Warning, may- oh screw this, I you think this doesn't have spoilers, then good luck.

Disclaimer: I do not own Call of duty you gullible morons who think I do.

* * *

><p>"Mistakes, on purpose or not"<p>

Call of Duty: Black ops

Ouch

In the beginning of our merry mission, Mason and Woods was just sitting on the bar, discussing on how they can kill Castro with the help of Carlos; our friendly neighbourhood bartender.

It's just peaceful until some guards came in and start harassing everyone, putting our heroes on guard.

"Just be cool woods…" Mason assured Woods as he got ready for a fight.

"I said 'Where you from?'!" One of the guards said in an accent toward Mason. "I'm talking to you!" He said before Woods plunged a knife-

"_Ow! Dammit Woods!_"

On Mason's hand.

"Sorry…" Woods quickly said before plunging it on the correct hand.

.

.

.

Someone get a damn medic on set…

* * *

><p>"Mistakes, on purpose or not"<p>

Call of Duty: Black ops

Insults

Mason found himself in a dark room, covered in some blood with screens around him while being tied to a chair.

"Where am I?" Mason asked before hearing a voice coming from a speaker.

"Did you know what you did?" The interrogator asked from the window overlooking Mason.

"Your mother last night." Mason answered, causing some people to laugh off screen.

"Son of a bitch Mason!" The interrogator shouted before snickering.

"Sorry, can't resist."

* * *

><p>"Mistakes, on purpose or not"<p>

Call of Duty: World at War

Hands

Dimitri followed Reznov in the shattered fountain filled with dead bodies and blood until they reached a broken section of the fountain, showing a few German patrols in the broken city.

"My shooting arm is broken." Reznov said pointing at his injured hand. "You will have to take my rifle."

"I thought that you were left handed." Dimitri asked.

"Yeah but the director told me to use my right, its kind of hard bu- wait, are we still rolling?"

"Oops."

* * *

><p>"Mistakes, on purpose or not"<p>

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Soap

The FNG, Soap, came toward the taskforce team and saluted them.

"So your name's Soap huh?" The captain named 'Price' asked. "What kinda name is 'Soap'? What, are you gonna name your son 'Shampoo'. Is your mom named 'Skin Lotion'? Or maybe your wife's named-"

"Price! I told you not to go on with that!" A man from off-screen shouted.

"Aw, come on! I think its great!"

"No!"

"Fine… Douchebag…"

"What?"

"I said I'll do it!"

"He called you a douchebag!" A private said from behind him.

"You are so fired!" The man shouted back.

"You can't fire me! I have a family! I have a wife and 3 girlfriends- Stop recording this camera man!"

* * *

><p>"Mistakes, on purpose or not"<p>

Call of Duty: Black Ops

Rat hole

"Hey, Woods, check this out…" Bowman said to Woods. "A rat hole."

"Mason, Weaver, check it out, I'll go somewhere else." Woods said to Mason as a marine threw a grenade inside of the rat hole.

Mason and Weaver went in and prepared themselves for any ambushes. Not finding any hostile, they eventually found a boat.

"A boat? Leading to where?" Weaver said though confused that the boat wasn't in the script assumed that there was a change and played along.

"Let's get on." Mason said knowing that riding things like this usually leads to the important scenes to a point where it gets predictable.

Riding the boat after a while, they figured out what's wrong as lights came out and robotic cartoon people started singing 'It's a small world after all'.

"I think we went to the wrong rat hole Weaver…" Mason said obviously horrified.

"Oh please let it end!" Weaver shouted.

"Mason I am here to assist you- _holy Molotov!_" Reznov said coming into the scene.

"Get us outta here Reznov!" Mason pleaded.

"Mason, now's not the time to talk to your imaginary friend!" Weaver shouted at him.

* * *

><p>"Special Scene"<p>

"Are you uncle Bobby now?" Mason asked.

"No Mason, I am _not_ your uncle Bobby!"

"Oh really?" Mason asked before tearing off the man's white beard. "So you really are uncle Bobby!"

"Dammit, he got me."

* * *

><p>And that's game. Speaking of game, the one I'm thinking of is a one-shot humour of a game called "Fire Emblem" which I will poke using the irony of realism to mess it up with. It's gonna be on a cliché "Tactician falls into game from the real world" theme that will be in his point of view. The Tactician is in the Blazing Sword one for those who don't know and for those who don't know Fire Emblem, just search for it, I'm not explaining it. Wish me luck; my idea seems like a recipe for disaster…<p> 


	10. Christmas Special

Well guys Merry Christmas everyone, okay it's actually December 26 in here but I bet most of the readers are in the western hemisphere anyway. Here's a Christmas Special for you parodying one of the most loved Christmas story.

Thanks to people who like this story and stayed reading.

This may have spoilers for Call of Duty

I do not own Call of Duty; I'm not even trying anymore.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty Deleted Scenes and Bloopers: Christmas Special<p>

"Gather around everyone!" A man wearing a Santa outfit said.

"Uncle Bobby! Are you gonna tell us a story?" Mason said excitedly dragging Woods with him.

"Why do I have to listen to this bullsh-OW!" Woods said before getting slapped by Bobby.

"Watch your mouth, bitch!" Bobby lectured. "Now, this story will be about Mason as he is in deep pain over the loss of many lives in the war."

* * *

><p>"So many people died, all because of me…" Mason said to himself. "Maybe it might be better if I never existed…"<p>

Suddenly a big light- nah too cliché a ball of crap came out and formed a man with black hair in the style of the military wearing glasses.

"Sup, Mason?" The man said.

"Who the hell are you?" Mason said alarmed and readied his pistol.

"I'm here to show you how awesome people's lives were when you never existed."

"Don't you mean how horrible people's lives were?"

"Nope, now come on." With a snap of his fingers, Mason and the man disappeared in a flash of garbage.

* * *

><p>"Where are we?" Mason asked.<p>

"Where Bowman lives in." The man said pointing to Bowman, now standing in front of the president whose face is hidden.

"Bowman, as the greatest American war hero, I give you the medal of even bigger honor to go with your huge collection of medals of honor." The president said.

"He… Is a great war hero if I did not exist?" Mason exclaimed.

"Yup, he never died in the Vietnam war because he wasn't sent with you and he defeated the Vietcong all by himself… With a butter knife. The US won the Vietnam war because of him and all him." The man explained.

"W-Well what about Hudson? I'm pretty I'm the one that made him famous among the FBI because he got me to save the US with the numbers!"

"Take a step to the right." Mason complied and saw the face of the president.

"_Hudson?_"

"The president of the most powerful country in the world. In fact, experts predict that the US will always be the most powerful country forever." The man explained. "And, they successfully brought Democracy to the world, like Korea."

"You mean North Korea?"

"More like the 'used to be North Korea', its now just Korea."

"Well fuck, what about Weaver?"

"Lets go…" The man snapped his hands and they both disappeared in a pool of vomit.

* * *

><p>"Now where are we?" Mason said looking around to find every house is celebrating.<p>

"Happy Weaver appreciation day."

"Say what now?"

"Weaver's both a hero _and_ a president of Russia."

"But, what happened to Stalin."

"He beat him for the seat of leader in a lightsaber fight, are you convinced that you're the reason why the world is messed up now?"

"No, wait, what about Woods?"

"All right then, let's go disappear in a portal of sh-"The man did not finish before the two disappeared.

* * *

><p>"Now where are we?"<p>

"Look at the statue there..."

Mason looked and saw a statue of Woods wearing a robe and carrying a book.

"What the hell is that?" Mason demanded.

"St. Woods patron saint of people who don't curse." The man answered.

"Are you telling me that Woods curse all because of me _and_ he's a Catholic?"

"Yes, you really did nothing but crap to everyone."

"But... What about Reznov? I'm the reason why he got out of Vorkuta!"

"I'm not gonna make another portal joke, lets go..."

* * *

><p>"So, where are we no-?"<p>

"_Reznov! Reznov! Reznov!_" A cry of celebration rang out in the outside of the Kremlin.

"Meet, Reznov, the hero of Stalingrad." The man said.

"Thank you, thank you!" Reznov said. "But the true hero here is really Dimitri! Without him, we would never win against the evil fascist government of Germany!"

A man came walking out, dressed in golden silk, it was Dimitri.

"Wait, _what the fuck? _Are you telling me that I even make people's lives miserable even if I didn't even meet them at the time?" Mason yelled at the man.

"Yup, you should see how Soap became a pop star that everyone loves, and then he changed his name to Mr. S." The man said back.

"_Who the hell is Soap and what kind of name is Soap?_!"

"Calm down…"

"_How can I calm down whe-?"_

"I made it all up."

"…What?"

"Haven't you noticed by now? I'm the author of this fanfiction." The man said with a smile on his face.

"Oh thank God!"

"Yup, now let's see what happens if you really didn't exist."

A portal opened next to the man and he went in first but came back out when Mason began following him.

"What's wrong?"

"I think it would be better if you really didn't exist." The author said taking out his hidden blade.

* * *

><p>"Ho ho ho! Now wasn't that a great story?" Bobby said.<p>

"What's the moral of it?" Hudson asked.

"It means that Mason was never a good guy, now get to bed Mason."

"But its just 5 in afterno-"

"_Get to bed you fuckin' Mary Sue!_"

* * *

><p>Well that's done, I hope you guys don't take this too seriously; I don't want a bunch of politic crazy people or Mason crazy people yelling at me in the reviews.<p>

Merry Christmas everybody!

Oh and I'm right, the Fire Emblem thing didn't work out. I'm sticking with the deleted scenes and bloopers from now on and since I think since I just finished playing Assassin's Creed one and me and my friends have already made a few jokes on it, I'll see if I can make an Assassin's Creed bloopers and deleted scenes too.


	11. Modern Warfare 3

Author's notes: LOOOONG time guys, but the final exams are done and summer's in. (Summer in Philippines starts on March and ends in June) I am kind of running out of ideas but I played some MW3 and saw some cut scenes but didn't finish the game so this is what I have right now.

I'm not going to bother putting the warning anymore, you'd probably know by now what it is.

Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty, I mean if I do I wouldn't be making this and if I own Call of Duty it would have terrible story.

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 3<p>

Meeting Yuri

"Nikolai, do you have anyone you could send to help us?" Price asked Nikolai while tending to Soap's wounds while they are under heavy fire.

"Da, his name is Yuri, he's the only man I know that hates Makarov more than you." Nikolai answered.

"I am Yuri… Obey me…" A voice said.

"That must be Yuri. He keeps thinking that he can mind control people." Nikolai explained.

"Somehow I don't think he would be very useful." Price answered.

"Eh~ he's still reliable, just act like your being mind controlled when he does that to you okay?"

"I am Yuri… Obey me…"

"Oh, you must be- _ow_!" Price said before Nikolai elbowed him on the side. "I mean, I shall obey Yuri and uh…"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hi?"

"_Obey me!_"

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 3<p>

Death of Soap

"Just stay with me son!" Price yelled to Soap.

"Price… Makarov… Knows… Yuri… Also, I'm not your son…" Soap whispered before dying.

"_Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! _Wait, you're not my son? Whatever, _what the bloomin' 'ell did you have to die on me? _Wait… Makarov… Knows…" Price realized.

"Yes, Price, let me expl-" Yuri said.

"_Mason?_!" Price yelled.

"Yeah?" Mason said coming in.

"_Mason you son of a-_" Price yelled before he had to take cover from a barrage of bullets.

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 3<p>

Yuri's interrogation

"Yuri, open the door!" Price yelled.

Yuri complied and opened the door. He then turned to find the sum of Price's fist and his face. Yuri then fell off the stair while Price pointed his pistol at him.

"Soap trusted you, I thought I could too! So why in bloody hell does Makarov know you?" Price asked.

Suddenly everything went white.

"Woah! Bloody hell, whats going on here?" Price asked.

"I was young and patriotic…" Yuri narrated.

"Oh no, are we going to your teenage years? I do not want to see how you paid your student loans."

"Shut up and watch the flashback, now, when I first met Vladimir Makarov…"

"Yuri, wake up…" A young Makarov said.

"Aw… Makarov looks cute when he was younger." Price added.

"Shut up, old man!" Yuri shouted.

"Hey, this place looks familiar…"

"I said shut up! You will obey me!"

"Zakaev wouldn't want you to miss this…" Makarov said.

"Now I know this place!" Price said.

"I said obey me and shut up! Now look, we missed most of the dialogue!" Yuri yelled again.

The flashback showed Zakaev losing his arm by a sniper bullet.

"See that? That was all me!" Price interfered again.

"Damn it, Price, shut up!"

Another flash took them to another place

"Since we lost a lot of time. Zakaev gives power and power corrupts, okay now look."

They were now on a Middle East setting with Makarov saying 'do it'

"Thousands of souls exting-"

"Hey, I was there!" A soldier in a USMC uniform interrupted.

"Who the hell are you and how did you get here?" Yuri yelled. "Whatever, obey me and keep watching…"

Another flash came

"It wasn't war… It was madness…"

"Madness? _This is-_" A half naked man interrupted before Yuri kicked him off… Lets just call it 'the hole of exit in a flashback'.

"Hey, I was there!" Another man came out wearing a formal suit."

"_Forget this!_ _This flashback is over!_"

"Kill joy..." Price murmured with the other 2 people agreeing.

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 3<p>

Yuri's interrogation – Climax

"Yuri, open the door!" Price yelled.

Yuri complied and opened the door. He then turned to find the sum of Price's fist and his face. Yuri then fell off the stair while Price pointed his pistol at him.

"Soap trusted you, I thought I could too! So why in bloody hell does Makarov know you?" Price asked.

( 1 flashback later )

"And that's how Makarov kicked me out of the team…" Yuri finished.

Price had a horrified look on his face.

"No… Makarov can't be that cruel… _Nobody's that cruel!_" Price shouted.

"Want to bet?" Yuri said before rolling up his pants until the knee area revealing the arrow shaped wound.

"Bloody hell… Makarov really did it…"

* * *

><p>Modern Warfare 3<p>

Yuri's interrogation – Alternative

"Yuri, open the door!" Price yelled.

Yuri complied and opened the door. He then turned to find the sum of Price's fist and his face. Yuri then fell off the stair while Price pointed his pistol at him.

"Soap trusted you, I thought I could too! So why in bloody hell does Makarov know you?" Price asked.

"…"

"Yuri?"

"…"

"Bollocks, I think that fall killed him…"

* * *

><p>I'm pretty sure most of you know why I made Yuri a crazy guy who thinks he's psychic. If not, then here's the hint:<p>

Red Alert

I finally made a MW3 chapter.


	12. Pain and Suffering and April fools

Author's notes: Well, this update came earlier than the usual 2 month delay from the others didn't it?

This one will both have an Easter egg and an April Fools day special because I missed the two special days especially the most beloved April Fools day event that people love to use to piss off fans.

The Easter Egg is a reference hidden in one of the bloopers from a person whom I am a big fan of to the point where he makes a cameo, I squeal. If I see him in real life, I'll probably go fan girl on him, and I'm a man.

This one will be about the pains and sufferings of the characters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted scenes and Bloopers<p>

Pain and Suffering

General Shepard

Soap was getting ready to take his final revenge on Shepard for his betrayal. Raising his knife high, he plunged it down on Shepard's heart but suddenly; Shepard grabbed to knife, hit Soap's head on the car wreckage and punched him, knocking him out.

"Ten years ago… I lost 30,000 men in a blink of an eye… And the world just _fuckin' _watched…" Shepard said before Soap came back to consciousness to find him loading his revolver. "Tomorrow there will be no shortage of heroes… No shortage of patriots."

Shepard then pointed the revolver to Soap's head.

"I know you understand."

"Don't worry Shepard, I understand." Soap said.

"What? R-Really?"

"_Not!_" Soap said before getting up and punching him in the face. Being the old man he is, Shepard then died.

"Don't worry Soap, I'm he- Oh… Ah, I missed all the fun." Price said coming into the scene.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Pain and Suffering

Private Ramirez

"Sarge! We're pinned down by an entire freaking platoon of Russians! Whadda we do?" Corporal Dunn asked Sergeant Foley.

"Send in Ramirez!" Sergeant Foley answered.

"I think Ramirez is a little injured."

"I feel like a puppy that's been raped by a bulldozer…" Ramirez either told himself or everyone near him while lying on the ground and holding his head with an ice bag.

"Aw… I guess we need a replacement." Foley said.

"Oh please don't go to where I think your goi-" Dunn hoped before being cut off.

"Dunn! Kill 'em all, destroy that copter with a vibrator and get me a coffee while your at it!"

"-Sigh-, yes sir…"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Pain and Suffering

Yuri

Nikolai opened the door to a dark and completely silent room.

"Yuri? Are you okay?" Nikolai asked.

"_No! I was part of a plan that murdered tens of thousands of souls, got kicked out of a group by an arrow to the knee, AND I figure out that I can't control minds! Why would you think that I would be okay?"_ Yuri shouted.

It all started with a new guy not being told to pretend that Yuri can control minds.

"Look, maybe he's just resistant to mind powers."

"_No! I'm going to take my revenge on that man! I will call it, 'Yuri's Revenge'! It will be a hit game too when I make it!_"

Nikolai then backed away from the door after Yuri started charging out of the room.

"Well… Oops…"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

April Fools

Task Force 141

"Makarov… Knows… Yuri…" Soap said before lying dead on the ground.

"Oh no,no,no,no,no,!" Price yelled.

"April Fools, Price!" Soap said getting back up with the rebels laughing at him and Makarov's men approaching with laughter too.

Price then joined on the laughter too.

"Oh ho ho ho! So you were never dying!" Price said.

"Yup!" Soap replied.

"And these men?"

"Just decoys!"

"So Makarov was never here and he never knew Yuri?"

"…"

"…Soap?"

"…Well…"

After the silence, Price punched Yuri in the face.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

April Fools

Mason and the gang

"Arrgh! The numbers!" Mason yelled.

"Mason, calm down!" Hudson yelled back.

"But the numbers!"

"It was all a joke!"

"…What?"

"It was all a joke Mason! April Fools!" Hudson said laughing at him then joined by all the FBI, Reznov, Dragovich, Woods, Bowman, and anyone else he knew.

"Oh… Aha ha ha ha! So it was all a joke! The numbers weren't real!" Mason realized.

"Yup! It was all on camera too! In America's 'Just for Laughs: EXTREME!1!#', nice huh?"

"Yeah!"

Suddenly, President Kennedy came in.

"That was a very good show Maso-"

"_I must kill the president!_" Mason yelled in hallucination before yelling a battle cry and ramming himself on him.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Makarov's group

Price grabbed Makarov, tied a rope along his neck and bashed his head on the glass roof.

"Any last word Makarov?" Price asked.

"Just two… April Fools!" Makarov yelled before laughing with Yuri getting up and laughing with him.

"What?" Price asked, completely confused. Everyone he knew and thought dead came up to him and laughed.

"Everything was a joke! Even World War 3!" Shepard explained to Price.

"Really? Everything was just one big April Fools day? Nobody really died?"

"That's right Price!" Ghost and Roach both said.

"Ghost, Roach, Gaz, Soap, Yuri, every soldier, and every civilian never died?" Price said being as happy as a puppy eating a lion.

"Yup!" Everyone said.

"Hey, what about the family in the vacation?" Sandman asked Frost.

"…"

"…Frost?"

Everyone was at a complete silence… Before bursting back to laughter.

* * *

><p>Yay, I did both special events!<p>

As an added bonus, if anyone wants to see my face, its on youtube. Don't comment on it though, its not my channel! You have been warned.

Just go here:

.com/watch?v=kNaZg6vWIMc


	13. Black Ops Trailer

Author's notes: Well, the new Black ops trailer is out and people get excited. We all know that Call of Duty in the future would come out sooner or later right? I just wasn't expecting Treyarch to do it though.

Also, has nobody figured out or even noticed the Easter Egg from the last chapter? When Ramirez says "I feel like a puppy that's been raped by a bulldozer"? That's a line from the internet movie "Kickassia" by my favorite internet critic "The Spoonyone".

Note that of course this chapter can only be based on the trailer this time. So it will be likely that I would make some mistakes on how things work. It's likely most of these machines are AI controlled too so just go with it.

* * *

><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty<p>

Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers

Black Ops 2

Hovercraft

"A breakthrough in science!" Says the scientist who is also tempted to be renamed 'Dr. Insano' as he looked upon his creation; a hovercraft plane.

"A breakthrough indeed, doctor!" A commander of the military commented. "Tell me, what allows the blades to fly and make it hover?"

"Giant fans!"

"… Are you serious?"

"Yes!"

"That's all we need to think of, giant fans?"

"Indeed!"

"Well I feel like a dumbass right now."

"Yes you are, dumbass!"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Black Ops 2

Walker

"Man, I feel like a clone in the Star Wars prequel. Who's with me?" A tank walker driver asked.

"No one, we're not nerds." The gunner replied.

"Dude, you don't have to be a nerd to like Star Wars." Another gunner argued with the first.

"True that mate!" The spotter agreed.

"Told you, this AT-TE will kick ass!" The driver said only to find the walker moving extremely slowly and became immobile when a rocket hits the leg.

"Oh this is bullsh-"

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Black Ops 2

Horses

"Sir!" Yelled a rider on a horse.

"Yes private?" The Captain answered.

"What is this new weapon we're riding on?"

"Uh… That's a horse."

"So this thing is called a 'horse'?"

"Yeah, and it's alive."

"We can create life? Oh that's awesome!"

"You have never seen a horse in your life before haven't you?"

"So it isn't new? I'm gonna test it out. Where's the controls here?"

"Just… hit your heel on it."

"So its movement contolled…" The rider kicked the horse's side and made the horse run toward the sunset. It would have been a nice sight until the rider had to open his mouth.

"Oh what the fuck is this bullshit? My jeep can outrun this piece of shiiiiiii- ow!" The rider said before having a pissed off horse shake him off and trampling him in the process.

* * *

><p>Call of Duty: Deleted Scenes and Bloopers<p>

Black Ops 2

Woods

"Hey Woods!" Mason called coming in the meeting room backstage.

"Hey Mason." Woods answered.

"How did you make yourself look so old then young again in seconds?"

"Uh, Mason you-"

"Sup bitches!" An old man said coming in.

"Ah, Mason, meet Grandpa Woods!" Woods said introducing his grandfather.

"Oh hey, so your Woods' grandpa?" Mason asked.

"No, I'm his fuckin' mother, of course I'm his grandpa, bitch!" Grandpa Woods shouted.

"Swearing is a family tradition to us…Bitch." Woods added.

"Oh cool, so what's Grandpa Woods' first name?"

"That _is_ my first name you whore." Grandpa Woods answered.

"Damn he's good." Woods commented in complete awe.

"So, Grandpa Woods' first name… Is Grandpa?"

"Yeah." Grandpa Woods answered.

"Hey, you didn't swear that ti-"

"Bitch…"

* * *

><p>Yes, everyone, Grandpa Woods will be a recurring OC or original character in the following chapters to come just like Uncle Bobby.<p>

Trivia: There really is a walker today, it's called the "Quadruped" and the US has one called "Big Dog" but it currently fails by falling down when you kick it once and it's freaking noisy. It's literally the size of a big dog so it won't be a tank anytime soon.

I don't know about that hover plane though so don't bash me when there really is a hover plane in real life that isn't a harrier.


End file.
